This being my first post, I'm a little unsure of the correct format/method, but I know that I need to get a few things out of my head...
One of my best friends from back home in North Carolina died on Wednesday. It was a tragic event that has really made me question parts of who I am, and where I am with my life. Growing up, he and I were great friends, and he introduced me to so many things...I will be forever in his debt for helping me see the larger world and the beauty that can be found in it. He was one of the greatest artists and musicians that I have ever had the privilege to call my friend, and now he's gone. My world will be forever changed, but I can't quantify how. I don't need to quantify it, I just know.
There is never a way to prepare for loss, but reflection and emotional turmoil are always the primary reactions to it. I have been turning the camera inward since I found out that I have to delete a phone number from my phone that I have held dear for 16 years. I have been thinking about all of the good things that we shared, and all of the good things that I have now that I wish I could have shared. As anyone who knows me will testify, I am a "fix-it" kind of person. I have an inherent urge to fix the things that are broken...hearts, wings, even the dishwasher on occasion. This is something that I can't fix, and I'm enough of an adult now to know that. The only thing that I can do now is honor the beautiful soul that has been freed from the shackles of the human condition.
I feel like the only way that I can "fix" it, the only way that I can fix the hurt inside of me, is to try to live my life with the some of the same passion that T has given to the world. My life right now is better than homemade biscuits and gravy, but I know that if I don't work to have the things in my life that I am passionate about the days will slip away, and I will wind up regretting. I know that I don't have anywhere near the talent that T had, but what I do have is the drive to live the best life I can, and I have the support of all of those people who love me just as much as I loved T. I can't let that slip away.
So I wind up here writing my first blog, and hoping that in making this step, I can share myself and my passions with the ones that I love. Part of what made T so great was that he shared his talents with the world, with his heart open to all of the praise and criticism that came with it. He didn't live in fear of whether it was the right thing to do, he knew he had it in him and it had to come out. That kind of bravery is something to strive for, it's what I want to strive for. I just hate that it took losing him for me to realize it.
